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歲的達娜·安德森(Dana Anderson)是猶他州法明頓市(Farmington)一家百貨商店的營銷代表。她曾夢見上司把自己叫到他的辦公室,談論她的工作表現。他告訴達娜,雖然她很善于團隊合作,但必須準時上班。
接下來,安德森爬到上司的辦公桌上,跳起了脫衣舞。他一把抱住她,熱烈地吻她。
醒來之后,她說道,“天哪,和他做這種事?真是齷齪。”
我們大多數人,如果坦誠相見的話,都會承認,自己曾經夢見和一位或兩位同事有過床笫之歡。有時候,這些同事是你在現實生活中所鍾情的人。
哈佛醫學院的一位心理學家解釋了包含飛翔、考試、在公共場所赤身裸體等幾個常見夢境的背后含義。
但是,大多數情況是,夢中的親昵對象往往是平時身邊夸夸其談、大放厥詞的人,或者是辦公室里的競爭對手,甚至是讓人敬而遠之的老板──總而言之,是我們在現實生活中不愿意接近的人。那么,為什么要關注這樣的夢呢?它們能為我們提供什么暗示嗎?
專家們說,通過意象和象征,夢可以透露一些我們在其他時候沒有注意到的重要玄機。《睡眠委員會》(The Committee of Sleep)一書的作者、哈佛醫學院(Harvard Medical School)教授、心理學家迪爾德麗·巴雷特(Deirdre Barrett)說,夢是“另一種思想模式”。
雖然,我們做的大多數和性有關的夢并不真的和性愛有關。如果你夢到你工位旁邊的那個書呆子,這可能意味著,你的潛意識建議你應該調整對他的看法,應該學著和他更為融洽地合作。或者,他有一些優點,比如電腦用得很熟練、待人友善──你應該好好向他學習。如果你的夢中情人是你的上司,那么這時的潛意識可能在暗示你,在工作中或生活中的其他方面應更為主動一些。
《詮釋夢境,改變生活》(Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life)一書的作者、夢境分析師勞里·勞溫伯格(Lauri Loewenberg)說,“夢就像是我們與自我之間的交流。”她說,我們在睡眠的時候,我們平日里的焦慮、恐懼和有意識的偏見就會減弱,“我們的意識里只剩下最深入的、最有見地的、最真實的想法。”
幾年前,當我夢到與一個現實生中無法忍受的同事浪漫約會的時候,我的潛意識要向我透露什么信息呢?在那個夢里,開始的時候,我們兩個人坐在飯館的一張桌子旁,兩個人親昵地在桌下互相輕碰著對方的腳。我請勞溫伯格幫我解析這個夢,我告訴她,當時我對工作很不開心,很羨慕那個同事的職位。她讓我注意用腳碰對方這個細節。她說,那個夢提醒我,我應該設法采取“步驟”,把渴望的工作爭取到手。她說,“夢里的東西都是有一定意義的。”
在安德森夢見自己在上司(現在已成為前任上司了)面前大跳裸體舞那天的白天里,公司績效考核結果公布,她的評分很不理想。她記得,在夢中,她曾經想到,“我要給他看一份進度報告。”
這個夢甚至有力地證明她后來態度的改變會收到效果──上司當即脫掉身上的衣服,兩個人開始做愛。后來,在那個夢里,辦公室的門被推開,商場的人力資源總監走了進來。
你聽說過有人說自己從來不做夢嗎?那他說的肯定不是事實。所有哺乳動物都要經歷快速眼球運動(REM)睡眠,這種睡眠是伴隨著做夢的。巴雷特博士(Dr. Barrett)和其他研究人員認為,所有哺乳動物肯定都會做夢。
45歲的薇姬·雅各布森(Vickie Jacobson)是田納西州納什維爾(Nashville)的一名電腦制圖員。她記得自己做過的一個夢。在夢里,她和上司在一個舊式客廳里的維多利亞風格的沙發上做愛。她將那個夢看作是她渴望了解新公司企業文化的一種表現。
她說,“在我先前工作的那家公司里,你必須不停地干活兒。而在這家公司,人們盡可以互相交流,相互溝通,相互欣賞。”她沒有將自己的這個夢告訴別人。
什么時候才可以告訴同事,說對方曾在你的性愛夢中扮演過主要角色?只有在你深深地被對方吸引,準備開誠布公地和對方發展關系的時候。
2007年,蒙特利爾大學(Universite de Montreal)的研究人員對3,500個夢進行研究之后,認為我們做的夢8%和性有關。
在夢里,人們的性愛對象是些什么人?在女人的性愛夢里,20%的性愛對象是現在或過去的伴侶,相比之下,對于男人,這個數字是14%。女人夢見和公共人物共沐愛河的幾率是男人的兩倍;而男人夢見與多名性伴侶繾綣難分的幾率是女人的兩倍。
巴雷特說,其他研究表明,不論是男人,還是女人,被動的性愛夢比主動的性愛夢更多;男人和女人相比,被動的性愛夢略多一點。
對于男人來說,夢境中性愛的表現往往同焦慮有關。典型的情形是,做愛的時候有一群人推門而入。或者,在性愛過程中,性伴侶會變成某種可怕的東西,比如長出鱗片或變成長毛的怪物。女人經常會夢見自己在抵抗非禮行為或性騷擾。
巴雷特博士說,中世紀基督教會的修女和神父有時會說夢淫妖在他們熟睡的時候與他們做愛。對于這種過程的描述,有的令人恐怖,而有的則充滿了肌膚相親的愉悅體驗。學者認為,這些令人恐怖或向往的描述說的就是性愛夢。
深更半夜遭受妖怪的非禮誠然令人恐怖,但是和不喜歡的同事上床感覺就會比這好嗎?不,后者才真的是一場噩夢。勞溫伯格說,對于新員工來說,“正如弗洛伊德所說,有時候雪茄只是雪茄。夢可以幫助我們稍微緩解一點壓力。”
Dana Anderson, a 31-year-old in Farmington, Utah, dreamed that
her boss at the department store where she works called her into his office to talk about her performance as a marketing representative. He said she was a great team player but had to get to work on time.
Ms. Anderson climbed onto the boss's desk and did a striptease. He grabbed her and kissed her.
'Whoa,' she thought when she woke up. 'Why him? That was gross.'
Most of us, if we're honest, will admit to having a steamy dream or two about a work colleague. Sometimes, it is someone we really are attracted to when we're awake.
But often our dream date is the loudmouth down the hall, our office adversary, even the scary boss -- in short, someone we avoid even standing near in real life. So why pay attention to dreams like this? Are they trying to tell us something?
With imagery and symbolism, dreams can reveal important insights that we might not consciously notice otherwise, experts say. Dreams are 'a different mode of thought,' says Deirdre Barrett, a psychologist, professor at Harvard Medical School and author of the book 'The Committee of Sleep.'
Most of our sex dreams, though, aren't really about sex. Your dream about the nerd in the next cubicle might be a suggestion from your unconscious to adjust your view and learn to work better with this person. Or maybe your co-worker has a trait -- computer skills, a genial personality -- that you would do well do emulate. If your dream lover is the boss, your unconscious might be telling you to take control at work or in some other area of your life.
'Dreams are a conversation with the self,' says Lauri Loewenberg, dream analyst and author of the book 'Dream On It: Unlock Your Dreams, Change Your Life.' When we sleep, the anxieties, fears and prejudices of the conscious mind fall away, she says. 'We are left with our deepest, most insightful and brutally honest thoughts.'
What was my unconscious trying to tell me, years ago, when I dreamed of being on a romantic date with a colleague whom I couldn't stand in real life? The narrative began with us playing footsie under the table at a restaurant. I asked Ms. Loewenberg for help interpreting the dream, mentioning I was unhappy in my job at the time and coveted my colleague's position. She said by bringing attention to my feet, my sleeping mind was telling me I needed to take steps to get the job I wanted. 'Nothing in a dream is random,' she says.
Ms. Anderson had her dream of dancing naked for her (now former) boss after she got a poor job-performance review earlier that day. She says she thinks the dream was telling her to demonstrate that she was a good performer. She remembers thinking in the dream, 'I will show him a progress report.'
The dream even offered her compelling evidence that her new attitude would pay off -- when the boss shed his clothes and the two of them began having sex. In the dream, the office door opened, and the store's human resources director walked in.
Do you know someone who says he doesn't dream? He's mistaken. All mammals experience REM sleep, which is associated with dreaming, and Dr. Barrett and other researchers believe they do dream.
Vickie Jacobson, a 45-year-old computer drafter from Nashville, Tenn., remembers a dream in which she had sex with her boss on a Victorian couch in an old-fashioned parlor. She took it as an expression of her desire to assimilate in the corporate culture at her new job.
'I had come from a company where all you did was work, work, work. And this was a company where it's all about interacting and communicating and taking an interest in one another,' she says. She kept her dream to herself.
Are there ever circumstances where you should tell a colleague that he or she had a starring role in one of your sex dreams? Only if you are attracted to the person and open to exploring a relationship. Otherwise, keep mum.
In a 2007 study of 3,500 dream reports, researchers at the Universite de Montreal determined that we have sex dreams about 8% of the time.
Whom did people say they had sex with in their dreams? Women dreamed of current or past partners 20% of the time, compared with 14% for men. Women were twice as likely to dream of public figures, while men were twice as likely to dream of multiple sex partners.
Other studies have shown that both men and women have more negative sexual dreams than positive ones, and men have slightly more negative sexual dreams than women do, says Dr. Barrett.
For men, the anxieties often relate to sexual performance. A common scenario is of having sex when a group of people walk in. Or a sexual partner will morph into something scary, maybe growing scales or fur. Women often dream about fending off unwanted advances, or of being sexually assaulted.
In the medieval Christian church, nuns and priests sometimes reported that demons, called incubi and succubi, had sex with them while they were sleeping, Dr. Barrett says. Some accounts were scary, but others were of pleasant sexual experiences. Scholars believe they are accounts of sexual dreams.
An unwanted advance from an evil spirit in the middle of the night is one thing. But a roll in the hay with the office bore? Now that's a real nightmare. As for the hot new hire, Ms. Lowenberg says, 'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, as Freud put it. The dream can be an innocent little pressure reliever.'